I was so secure in my relationship and in our love that the idea of another woman coming between us was unimaginable. I was so naive.

When Alex's best friend Heather moves back into town, with my boundaries repeatedly ignored and my fiance's attention on her.

I was watching they walk arm in arm through a party like a couple... While I was left behind to fetch her drink.

She monopolized his time. It also seems to have taken my place.

When I came back, they were gone, but when I found him, he didn't seem alone.

I walked in on a scene that felt far too intimate to be between "just friends."

His 6'3" frame engulfed her. She was tucked into his chest, cocooned in his arms, and he was gently rubbing her back.

She looked like a woman in love.

His head snapped up the moment I walked in, and the look in his eyes held my attention, wide, startled, guilty. He knew exactly how this looked, and more importantly, he knew I wouldn't be okay with it.

————————

Zara

The moment I saw Alexander Bradshaw, I knew my life had changed forever. I had thought those moments only happened in movies. Eyes meeting across a crowded room, the world falling silent, everything else fading away. But there he was, ignoring everyone attempting to get his attention, his sole focus on me as he made his way across the party. I could see it in his eyes, he was feeling exactly what I was.

We moved seamlessly into each other's lives after that night. Our friend groups melded together in a way that neither of us expected, which I saw as confirmation that we belonged in each other's lives. My parents adored him. He and my father started golfing every Sunday morning, and Mom would break out her famous banana pudding every time we came for dinner because she knew how much he loved it.

While I never thought Catherine would be the type to sit and chat over coffee, she approved of our relationship and made me feel as welcome as someone like her could. Alex's family had a carefully crafted image to uphold, and marrying the daughter of a Supreme Court justice was certainly an asset. I don't believe it was intentional, time spent with Catherine and Joseph often felt like a brand meeting. Cataloging every move we made and debating the optics. But Alex never made me feel that way.

Until recently, Alexander had made me feel cherished and adored. He'd been my other half, my best friend.

Until six months ago, when his best friend moved home.

Heather and Alex have been close since high school. She transferred to his elite private school after she won a scholarship sophomore year. The girl from the wrong side of the tracks thrust into a world of entitled trust fund babies. She wasn't the girl with the designer clothes or expensive hand bags taken from Mom's closet. The mean girls never let her forget exactly where she came from and Alex, being the natural protector he is, took her under his wing. He was never the kind of person who would judge someone for not being as wealthy and he would never allow someone to be treated badly due to circumstances out of their control. I admire that about him.

His mother wasn't happy about it. Heather's Dad was in jail and when Catherine found out she forbade Alex from having anything to do with her. He refused, of course he refused. Alex would never abandon his friend. His loyalty and fierce protection of the people he loves is a core part of who he is. Once he accepts someone as his family, that's it. And Heather had become part of his family. The more Cathrine tried to push her out of his life the closer he pulled her in. Over the last 10 years he's continued the roll of her confidant and protector, her best friend.

Their friends have given me the rundown of their history and while Alex has told me his feelings for her have been nothing more than platonic and assured me their relationship was never romantic it's pretty clear that for a while everyone, including Heather believed it would be. They made plans for a new future together. A life in New York. Away from parents expectations and societal pressure.

But then Alexander 's father Joseph was diagnosed with cancer.

All their grand plans were ruined. Alex was Columbia bound and Heather had gotten into a prestigious program for young artists, but when Joseph's condition worsened familial guilt set it. His father had wanted him at the family alma mater, Georgetown and Alex couldn't bear the thought of being far away if the worst happened. She was understanding when he told her he wouldn't be joining her in New York. It seemed to work out for everyone. Joseph was cancer free after a grueling 3 year battle, Heather made a name for herself with packed galleries that led to sold out collections. She was no longer the girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Alexander would go to Georgetown like his father and he and I would meet on our first official day of law school.

I was warned to stay away from men with a "Female best friend". But I wasn't insecure. He had a vast friend group, many of whom were women I'd also become close with. So I didn't think too much of it. My first indication that this wouldn't go well should have been my first proper interaction with her. She called while we were cooking dinner and feigned shock at my existence.

"I'm sorry Shaw, is that a girl in your apartment?!"

"I told you about her. This is Zara" I waved and said hi. She ignored me and continued her conversation.

"You told me about a girl but I didn't think it was serious. I've heard about a lot of your girls over the years, how was I supposed to know this one would become a regular"

Alex didn't say anything for a moment, the tension building with the obvious jab hanging in the air. All the while I stayed silent. It was his job to handle his friends and I knew that how he handled this moment would set the tone for our future. The confusion etched on his face mirrored my own. I know they'd had conversations about me. From telling her he had someone he wanted her to meet during her next visit, to the calls he'd answer over bluetooth in the car. He always told her when she was on speaker and that I was with him. She'd laugh it off, tell him she'd call back when he wasn't as busy and hang up. All before I ever had a chance to say hello.

"It's as serious as I've ever been and ever will be. Get used to seeing and hearing about her" The conviction in his voice made my heart melt. I knew I could trust him to protect us but it didn't stop my nerves from being on edge. I brushed her behavior off, Maybe she was nervous, worried I would try and push her out of his life the way so many others had. I turned to look at her and the look on her face stopped me in my tracks but just like that it was gone. A big bright smile replacing it. I brushed it off again.

"It's about time, Bradshaw! I'm so happy for you guys. I can't wait to meet you, Zara!"

Taking a look at Alex I could see the relief on his face. He was happy "his girls" would get along. He couldn't wait for us to get together. He didn't yet understand what had just happened. Didn't see the wheels turning in her mind. The pressure behind her eyes growing, the tears she kept at bay. My existence in his life had gone from something she had to get through to something she had to remove. I hadn't seen it either. I told her I couldn't wait to meet her.

And then I backed off. Because the man I loved was telling his friend how much he loved me. And she seemed so happy for him. Maybe the way they included me in their facetime calls after that day made me underestimate her. Maybe the distance between NYC and DC gave me a false sense of security. But really I just trusted him. I was so secure in my relationship and in our love that the idea of another woman coming between us was unimaginable. I was so naive.

......

Seven months ago he proposed. We sat in our new condo surrounded by boxes. Everything was falling into place. The life we talked about building during all nighters at Law school. The future we'd planned was taking shape. I pulled a piece of pizza from the box, doing a dramatic turn and preparing to make my case of extra onion ALWAYS being a requirement on pizza when he dropped down to one knee and pulled out a ring box.

"Alex?" I couldn't stop the tears if I tried. And I tried, I really did. I wanted to be a cute cryer but I couldn't escape my reality. My ugly cry face could win awards. I'm sure of it.

He cleared his throat and grabbed my knee pulling me closer to him. Running his hand down my calf again he pecked my hip and then settled back looking up at me.

"I actually saw you before you saw me. I don't know if you know that or not. I was watching you, entranced in the way you moved and cataloging every detail I could see for a solid 3 minutes before you looked at me, And I knew as soon as I saw those big brown eyes that I wanted to see them every day for the rest of my life. You stood on that terrace and before you told me your name you had changed the trajectory of my life. Every moment of the last 4 years has only solidified what I knew on day one. I was meant to spend my life with you. Please let me spend my life with you."

My tears didn't stop but I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered "forever" with a voice that sounded far more sturdy than I thought I could muster. We were getting everything we wanted.

Six and a half months ago Alex answered his phone to a hysterical Heather.

Her boyfriend had cheated on her, the other woman was pregnant and she felt like her life was over. Of course she couldn't stay in New York anymore, she was coming home. We told her we would support her in any way we could. When she asked Alex to fly to NYC and help her drive back with her U-Haul I was understanding. I suggested he take someone with him. But he told me she was embarrassed to tell their other friends the details or ask for anymore help. She was struggling and she needed her best friend.

So I ignored my discomfort and agreed.

When he stayed in New York two days longer than planned I tried to have grace. She was leaving her home of eight years with little notice. Heartbroken and preparing to start over in a town that always considered her an outsider. I took my sister to the dinner reservations he missed. Telling myself this was good practice. As lawyers we would have many nights our plans would be derailed in the future. I would be understanding. It sucked, but life happens. He'd be home soon and we could always make new reservations. We would adapt. Like I said, I was naive.

Then came the first surprise.

"Can you guys believe I snagged an apartment in your building? I saw it in my search and thought, There was no way a place in your building had become available and in my price range. It has to be kismet."

I didn't want to be a petty person. But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this wouldn't be a good thing. Moving to the city was one thing. Living in our building was another. It felt like my life was being invaded and I decidedly hated the word kismet. Maybe the elevator would break and she wouldn't want to make the trek from the third floor to the thirteenth too often. I should have known that was just the beginning of the Heather and Alexander show.

I think losing him would have been easier if he had physically left me. If Heather had returned, he'd realized she was the love of his life and he was sorry but he needed to let me go. If he didn't love me anymore. That would be easier for me. Black and white and wrapped in a neat little bow. We were together and then we weren't. I could have accepted that without losing myself in the process. Instead the slow unraveling of our relationship felt like torture. My relationship existed in purgatory and I couldn't see a way out. Heather very quickly stopped feeling like a potential friend and more like a storm cloud hanging over my relationship.

The heartbreak was cumulative. With every late night convo that just couldn't wait. Every early morning knock at our door. Every time he prioritized her feelings over my boundaries. Each incident created a new crack in what we'd built together. Until it didn't resemble a relationship anymore. Until I didn't recognize myself anymore.